Remember the playground days when a bully picked on you, or you overheard some questionable gossip about a classmate, or you watched someone cheat off another student’s exam? You wanted to run and tell the teacher, but something may have held you back. After all, nobody wants to be the “tattle-tale.” Fast-forward a few decades to the workplace, and the scenery changes but the dilemma doesn’t. Do we say something to our manager? Do we go to HR? Oh, the dilemma.
Somewhere along the way, we’ve all been hurt, emotionally, physically, financially, or in ways hard to name. And when it happens, we’re left wrestling with the same old questions. Do we let it pass? Do we say something? And if we do, who exactly do we talk to? I get it, because I’ve lived it too. I grew up as a third-generation pastor’s kid, so I have my own stories of mean-spirited church folks. Many of us have heard the phrase “church hurt,” and lately it gets tossed around a lot. It shows up in descriptions of hypocritical actions, false teaching, withheld friendship, and plenty of other forms. It’s real, and it’s sad. But Scripture doesn’t leave us guessing about how to handle it. Take a look at this passage:
Jesus said, “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
—Matthew 18:15-201
Scripture hands us a pretty clear pattern for approaching the hurts and confusion that come our way. And I don’t think this pattern is limited to church life. These same steps toward resolution and reconciliation can be carried into our workplaces, our friendships, and our families. Go first to the person, quietly and directly. If that doesn’t work, bring in trusted witnesses. If it still doesn’t work, bring it before the wider community. It’s a path, not a shortcut, and it asks something of us at every step.
In those moments of hurt, two things can steady us. First, pray for the one who hurt you. It’s not the easiest instinct, but it’s the one Scripture keeps pointing us back to. Second, remember that there’s a real, scriptural way forward, one aimed not at winning or being right, but at reconciliation and healing. That’s the goal worth holding onto, even when the process feels uncomfortable.
So be the one who takes the high road. Extend the hand of forgiveness, even when it costs you something. After all, Christ did the same for us.
Grant us, O Lord, to trust in you with all our hearts; for, as you always resist the proud who confide in their own strength, so you never forsake those who make their boast of your mercy; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
—Book of Common Prayer2
